In business as in life, we are all leaders. We may lead a team, a group, a family but more importantly, we lead ourselves on the journey called life. On this journey, you meet people, some you adore, some seem bland and others just plainly push your buttons and it feels like they trigger you…  you may even say they’re difficult people.

But have you pondered what effect you’re having on them?

While you’re busy blaming them for all their faults, have you stopped to consider how you are received by them?


The finger of blame and you

Now that’s way too hard for many people and it’s so much easier to point the finger of blame out there.

Consider this – while your index finger points away from you, there are three others pointing directly at you.

Relationship intelligence is knowing yourself and from there you know others.

It all starts with knowing you. You can read more about the skills to develop great relationships here.

Knowing you is knowing me

Now you might think that you are a compassionate, lovable person…

But when you’re triggered by another person, are you still lovable? Or do you scream, yell, rant and rage?

Consider this… when your emotions are triggered by another person, it’s because they’ve pressed a button deep inside you. They’ve touched something real and raw that is about you and it has now been brought to the surface for you to look at.

The more they annoy you, the more they’re reflecting a part of you that is hidden and it lies in your shadow. It’s called the shadow self because it’s the part  that we don’t know and yet it’s there , it comes out and has full expression in our interactions and relationships.


The relationship is mirroring back to you parts of yourself that you may not want to acknowledge, or even accept or love.

What to do when you’re triggered

  1. Ask yourself –is this about me?
  2. Then tune inward to listen in to what the internal response is.

If there is fear, anxiety or a sense of being unsettled, then there is some work for you in knowing what holds you back, what you fear, what stops you.

You need to be brutally honest with yourself.

Sensing inwardly

Some people don’t know how to feel or to connect inwardly. This is an area of learning that allows you to grow and live more fully engage with life.

Is it time for you to look at SELF-development to improve your interactional intelligence?

The purpose of a relationship

Relationships teach you about yourself. If you lived alone without interaction, there would be no conflict?! How you relate to others is everything because in relationship you are able to have an experience of yourself.

Think of it this way- you can only be aware of who you are in relationship to someone else

You can only know hot if you have not felt cold.

You can only know happy if you have known sad.

Get it?

If you’d like to expand your understanding of human interactions and relationships, join me for a half-day of learning on August 31st, 2017.

Register here