30 May Save Your Marriage Take Out The Trash
You want a happy fulfilling, relationship that enables you to thrive.
But sometimes the path to happiness is blocked by unwanted internal junk.
Your internal world is made up of thoughts and feelings.
Is you inner world a lush garden of fruitful thoughts that inspire you and produce delicious results? Or is there a plethora of junk, that you lug around like a heavy sac of rotten apples?
Either way your thoughts and feelings will, without a doubt, drive your behaviour and actions in the world. So if you don’t like your life and the results you’re getting, then start cleaning out your inner trash.
How’s your love life?
Funny thing about relationships, they’ll trigger you, soothe you and bore you all at once.
Your love relationship, be it marriage, heterosexual, homosexual or dating is a 3D reflection of your mind.
If you’re full of inner trash from past hurts and failed attempts at finding love, then the way you behave towards your spouse or lover will show this.
- Do you get easily triggered by a particular word, a tone or issue?
- Do you find yourself responding to words in a harsh, explosive or even abusive manner?
- Are you easily triggered by certain topics?
- Are there some hot topics that are like a red flag to a bull?
- Do you get so riled up by your partner’s actions, that you’re sure to explode.
If you answered YES to any of these questions, then your inner baggage needs emptying.
Are you carrying trash?
If you carry trash around, you behave like trash and so too you trash your relationship.
Now you may be thinking … No No Not me, I don’t let the past show or I have it carefully covered up and locked away or shoved under the carpet where it won’t be seen or heard.
If you’re full of emotional clutter like the following:
- Bad feelings from the last unresolved fight
- Sad feelings at not being hurt or understood
- Anger at the injustice in your relationship
- Overwhelm and stress from the everyday juggle of life, kids, work and friends plus your nagging or nasty partner or
- Loneliness from the last conversation that rapidly went south and left you emotionally empty.
Then you will behave badly no matter how much you try and stifle your inner world.
Unresolved issues and pent up bad feelings get in the way of a thriving life and love. They stay embedded in your memory like fine pet hair on a rug.
When NOW lives in the shadow of the PAST.
Arguments that you had years ago continue to fester and manifest.
They ruin the moment of now.
Things that happened years ago… conversations that were had in the past, are ever-present. Past hurts and pain that’s unprocessed, ruins the moment you’re in now…and gradually your relationship fizzles.
So why don’t you talk it out?
Why don’t you do the healing and repair work?
Sometimes one person’s style makes it hard to engage in meaningful dialogue.
Is your partner a difficult person?
If you or your partner’s preferred style is blame and rage then you’re going to do even more damage to your already fragile relationship.
That’s when relationship counselling can help.
A good counsellor will NOT allow you to rip into each other and do more damage to your relationship.
Having a third person witness what you do and facilitate a meaningful conversation can be the first step to reaching your partner’s mind and heart.
Start the repair work NOW, clear the trash under the carpet so you can show up as the loving person you know you are.
Why don’t you attend the Conflict Cure workshop and learn how to do conflict the right way.
Iman Iskander is a relationship therapist and mindfulness teacher. learn more about relationships by attending a workshop, or masterclass. Look at publicised events here.
Learn more about improving relationships and creating a thriving bond by contacting Iman Iskander – culture of care for a consultation.