This blog started as a rant on my Facebook page and then… I thought otherwise.

I read the headlines in an article in Business Insider and I was mad. As I read further I was reassured but not enough for me to let it go! The article ( linked below) offers business advice so you can make a positive impact at work.

It suggests 11 things NOT to say to your boss and here they are.

  1. That can’t be done
  2. We’ve always done it this way
  3. If I don’t get a raise, then I’ll quit
  4. I have decided to take another job because I’m unhappy here
  5. I’m so hungover
  6. What should I do?
  7. We didn’t meet our goals because….
  8. I’m bored
  9. I don’t want to work with him or her
  10. Oh man, this is going to be so much work
  11. That’s not my job

Now on the surface they may seem ok and truly, I’m all for positive workplace cultures, team work, engagement, collaboration, excellence BUT I also think people should bring their authentic self to work and everyone should  feel free to express themselves with polite, considered,  care- filled conversations…

So does the list above  encourage authentic behaviour ? or are we being told to stifle feelings and thoughts? I know pushing down what you feel and what you really want to say,  just doesn’t work! I know because people tell me that in the confidential framework of the counselling room.

What I see far too often is people attending work with a “work mask” on. They feel depleted and drained because their emotional energy is invested in keeping the “work mask on”… and frankly I’m sick of that.

Take a look at points 4,6 and 8. Really? It’s so disappointing that we are being advised not to say these and that this is business advice. I’d prefer an article on how to communicate just those exact things without the sting or hurt.

I also believe that every conversation is possible as long as you come from a genuine place of care- care to make an improvement, care about your peers, care for the success of the company, care for yourself, the team etc  and with that internal state of genuine care, you find / allow  the care-full words to come from within and then you can have impact and change rather than hurt and conflict.

I love communication models like the Process Communication Model that encourage understanding of the recipient of your words and then speaking in a way that can be heard. It works.

It’s really not about  letting go of all restraint and  being impolite. It is about  choice and choosing  words wisely and always speaking what you feel.

Lets bring humanity back to work rather than encouraging  people to shut up and put up…..

Maybe one day I’ll write an article on “how to say 11 things to your boss and keep your job and your mental health”

Time for a tea..

Here is a link to the article.